well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
