dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
