I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
