he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
