I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
