Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
