he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
