girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
