Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
