Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
