Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So squirting runs in the family.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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