Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
