i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
