Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
