tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
