One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
