You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
