how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
