hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
