I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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