I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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