is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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