I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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