whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
