So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
