gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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