Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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