he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
