our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
40s are totally the cure
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
