Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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