Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
