The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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