You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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