I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
