how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
