nut hugger
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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