The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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