For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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