i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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