for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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