yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
