I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
