I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
