Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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