Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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