we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
