Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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