dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
