is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
