There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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