her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
