dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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